Darth Vador was a minimalist. No really, in addition to practicing the ancient art known as the Force, this guy was a firm believer in embracing the minimalist lifestyle.
Don’t believe me? Here’s the proof, as procured by the members of Rouge 1, who valiantly died for this blog post. May they rest in peace. The facts are these:
- Darth Vador is all about decluttering. Alderaan is a prime example. (Tell me where the Rebel base is, so I can minimize them with my Death Star!)
- Look at the dude’s getup. Darth Vador wears the same black suit every day…(wait, is that a suit?) — or is it more like a space-shell/baddass-life-support-system/creepy-cosplay-costume?
- He wiped out the Jedi Council because they were multiplying beyond capacity…even though they aren’t technically supposed to be having anti-gravity love sessions and making little Jedi babies. Poor Yoda. Now he’ll never manage to be taller than anyone.
Need further evidence of Darth Vador’s minimalist habits? Here’s a “real conversation” that occurred between Lord Vador and a random
guy Storm Trooper named Steve, who was later strangled to death by force-choke for failing to complete an impossible task with unlikely deadlines.
Random Storm Trooper named Steve: “This planet is overly populated, your highness, er, sir — I mean…your lordship.”
Darth Vador: “It’s time to teach those Rebel scum a lesson in the might of minimalism! Bring me the Death Star remote!”
Okay, so maybe this conversation is a work of fiction drafted by the cube mind. Our point still stands. Sith Lords were the first minimalists. Which is why we are currently in talks with
hundreds of film producers zero film producers across the galaxy for the next STAR WARS installment.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
*cue epic score by John Williams*
A hermit lives on the distant planet of Tattooing.
He possesses supernatural powers.
Realizing overpopulation will be the downfall of humanity and aliens alike, he becomes the first minimalist.
And thus the regime of the Sith Lords was born…
*fade to stars*
Coming to theaters near you in the distant, distant future. Star Wars Episode 001: The Minimalists STRIKE BACK.